Friday, July 28, 2017

Ocker the Raven





"Now look!" cried Demonica. "You knocked my flowers into the syrup, fowl!"
"So? Stop waving your swyving arms, then. Besides, I want you to do something for me..."
"What, then?"
"I want you to make hit so that I can travel anywhere I want by spell, instead of just to here and back," he said as he wiped off his beak and gave himself a thorough shake.
"For what? What's your news?"
"I already gave hit to you when you said you gave me the powers of a swyving hedge wizard..."
"So you suddenly think I should pay you twice, aye?"
"Listen, queinte!" he squawked, thrusting himself up to bristle like a pine cone. "I've learnt from a right true source that magic powers can't be given. You're either born with them, or you're not. And I was, so you knew hit when you tricked me."
"I'll pay you well for the name of who told you."
Ocker is the only raven known who is able to use magic. In Good Sister, Bad Sister, he lives with his wife Urr-Urr at their nest atop the great bluff overlooking the keep of the evil wizard Razzorbauch. Based on the behavioral studies of ravens by ethologist Bernd Heinrich and the folklore of Native Americans and Celts, Ocker is a profane, amoral huckster, who is forever wheedling things he wants from powerful people in exchange for tidbits of choice information. He does routine business with Demonica the sorceress as well as Razzorbauch, but he also has occasional dealings with Meri Greenwood the Fairy and the Jutland Elves. When Ocker sells the whereabouts of Greenwood's lover to Razzorbauch as well as to Greenwood, the lover and her sisters are doomed to live in Mount Bed forever. Even so, it is Ocker who ends up saving the day.
We seldom use profanities in our writing, but Ocker is a most profane character, so we have him swearing exclusively with obsolete English words. The above passage is as foul and graphic as any swearing you'll ever hear on the street.




Carol Marrs Phipps & Tom Phipps  

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Hubba Hubba Versus the Stinky Beefy Boy Part Three

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Part Three
Herio could scarcely take his eyes off the sky long enough to find his stirrup as he thanked Mrs. Gweld for the pie and said his goodbyes. "I wonder if they passed by while Icherry_pie_case_for_the_ipad_mini-rf252931f447246c89e9010b93c82d7d7_w9wmu_8byvr_324
was inside," he said once he had Gwynt underway, following Sophie on her unicorn to
Castlegoll Road.
"Well, this is it," she said, hesitating as he doffed his hat and yellow-peasant-costume-skirtsteered Gwynt onto the road.
"She's pretty," he thought. He looked back to see her disappear around the corner. "Actually, she's very pretty. And now that I think about it, she must have been interested
in me. My! Could that be why she came with her unicorn instead of her brothers?" He
gave a deep sigh and resumed combing the heavens.
Suddenly something was fluttering in his ear, giving him a start. "Herio!" chirped Tweet, landing on his shoulder and springing into flight again. "You've got to hurry! Hubba OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAHubba's been shot and the evil boy's going to eat him!"
"No! Is he dead?"
"He was alive last I knew, but..."
"Good! Show me. Let's go Gwynt!"
"It was actually on this very road, just two farms south of here, where he was shot. We have to wait there for either Chirp or Squeak to show up when they find where the boy took him."
At once, Herio had Gwynt pounding away at a full gallop. Soon his side was cramping from all the bouncing pie.
"Herio! Tweet! Hoy!" came a wee tweet from up ahead.
housesparrow-seedeater-004"Squeak!" chirped Tweet. "Is Hubba Hubba still alive?"
"Hurry! I'll show you!"
Away they raced, down the road and through the very same fields crossed by Frankin and Hubba Hubba. At last they splashed through the creek and had zigzagged nearly across the orchard. "You're here!" squeaked Chirp, dropping down from the sky, halting them at once. "See that house through the trees? They took him inside in a game bag, but I think they have him in a box. He's cape-cod-crowXXhurt, Herio. I don't know how bad. The biggest boy right yonder, see? He beaned him on the head and knocked him right out of the sky. They were going to dress him for supper..."
"And they haven't yet?" said Herio.
"I don't think so, 'cause the lady and the boys got to fussing something awful."
"How do you reckon they'd take my walking up and asking for their supper?"
"Not very well. They've been shouting at each other the whole time I've been here."
"Maybe I could offer them some money for Hubba," he said, glancing away at the house. "They look kind of hard up."
"They look like they might rob you..." squeaked Chirp.
"Oh surely not, but if it eases your mind, I'll dump out most of our money in the rotted out place in this old peach tree." He poured out his coins, put away his bag and threw his leg over Gwynt. "Well, let's go get Hubba, boys."
images (2)Frankin trotted out several rods to meet them. "You better hold it right there, fellow!" he hollered as he wrapped a stone in the patch of his sling. "We don't know you at all, so that makes you ones a trespasser..."
"Frankin!" echoed the cry from the house. "How'd you get that sling? You bring it back right now! You hear? And don't you dare talk to strangers that a-way unless tunic-in-the-middle-agesthere's a good reason!"
"I'm right sorry," said Herio. "I certainly didn't mean to make you think I was trespassing. I'm just passing through on my way to Castle Goll, but I got separated from my crow..."
"Crow?" said Frankin without so much as glancing back at his mother. "No crow here, fellow, so just turn around. Go!" He swung his rock back and forth like he might fling it around and throw it.
"Frankin! You heard me!" came the cry from the house.
Frankin did not bat an eye nor turn around, but the shouting woman must have had his attention, for suddenly Kink dashed out of the bushes and yanked away the sling.
"You stinking cachu face, Poopkink!" shouted Frankin, grabbing his fingers. "That hurt!"
Bartolomé_Esteban_Perez_Murillo_004"We got a crow shut up in the house, mister!" cried Kink, dancing about warily, well out of Frankin's reach.
"Yea!" cried Dink, running up. "He talks and Mom's afraid of him!"
"This time you gwrteithiau have really gone and done it!" cried Frankin, going red in the face. "I'm going to pound you..."
"Not while I'm alive!" howled the Mother, grabbing him by the arm. "And you're done with slings for a good while, buster!"
Frankin tried to wrench free, but she gave him a shake.
"I'm man of the house now that Dad and Alwin's gone!" he wailed. "You said so!"
"Yea? Well, when you can't live up to it, then you're just a little boy, aren't you? And if that makes you disappointed, kid-o, hit makes me doubly so. Now let's work you back up to woodpile2being a man again. You get yourself around back and chop me a proper rick o' wood!"
"But there's a whole pile of wood 'round...Aaaah!"
"And there's a proper red welt acrost the back o' your leg, too!" she hissed as she got him good with a whistling switch. She watched him scuttle out of sight. When she heard chopping commence, she retied her apron. "Now I'm right sorry for that, young man. He's turned mean since his daddy was kilt at Ash Fork. Now he didn't even give you ones the chance to give your name, 'fore he started in, did he? He's Frankin, I'm Mrs. Simms and these two be Wilmer and Jake..."
"I'm Herio, ma'am," he said, thinking to remove his hat.gty_black_crow_jt_130504_wg
"Well, we've been kind o' afraid of your bird. We didn't know what to think. He bit me good every time I tried to get him down, and he was swearing like a sailor..."
"Sounds like Hubba Hubba, all right..."
"That's his name?"
Herio nodded.
"And you taught him to curse like that?"
"No, but I've learnt a bunch from him..."
"You know, that's one lie I think I believe," she said with a laugh as she turned to Kink and Dink. "You ones run inside and bring this nice young fellow his bird."
They raced to the door and darted inside. Immediately they were back outside again, with xococava-broken-platesthe door slammed fast behind them. They looked up at Herio with wide eyes.
"He's deliberately knocking things off shelves..." said Kink.
"And he said when you get here you're going to cut off our heads," said Dink with an uneasy swallow.
Herio put his ear to the door.
"And when he does show up, "cawed Hubba Hubba amidst the crash of dishes, "you all will wish you were far, far, away! He'll make you pay! He'll cut off your grubby little fingers! He'll...!"
"He'll come and take you with him!" hollered Herio as he threw open the door.
"Herio!" cawed Hubba Hubba, swooping down from some shelves to walk up the front of his shirt as he madly beat his wings. "You did it! You saved me! They were going to eat me!" He flapped his way up onto Herio's shoulder to drop open his beak and go quite skinny. "You mean you didn't kill them?"
"Well, no, Hubba, they returned you in one piece... In fact, ma'am?" he said, taking out his purse and dumping out some crowns onto the bench by the door. "This is for your dishes."
"Why you ones don't have to..."
"Have you seen how many he broke?"
"Every bloomin' one I could reach," rattled Hubba Hubba as he bristled all over. "And 'one crow (1)piece,' I dispute that. Have you seen the knot on my head?"
"Then you've gained from the experience," said Herio, rolling his eyes for Mrs. Simms.
She nodded and herded her boys back towards the house. "Looks like we both got our hands full," she called with a nod, as she shooed Kink and Dink into the house. "Good luck, you hear?"
"Thank you ma'am, for being good to my bird," said Herio as he got astride Gwynt with Hubba Hubba gaping aghast and three merrily twittering sparrows. They sauntered back through the orchard, pausing long enough to scrape his crowns out of the rotted out hollow in the old tree.
"'Good to my bird?' 'Good to my bird?' You think a knot on my very knitty box, big as my eye, is good to your bird? And what righteous damage, may I ask, did you do in order to be The_Burgeoning_Cover_for_Kindlegood unto them...?"



Carol Marrs Phipps & Tom Phipps

Monday, July 24, 2017

Hubba Hubba Versus the Stinky Beefy Boy, Part 2

Quilt Stone Mountain NC SP 4021
5469802698_278de1b2e3_zthe-brixton-ona-bags-2-560x379The stinky beefy boy slowed to a walk with a skip and happily patted his game bag full of Hubba Hubba. Whistling a giddy tune fit for the tone deaf, he left the path through a gap in the hedge to cut across a freshly ploughed field. Chirp and Squeak followed 'round the outside in the tops of trees grown up in the hedge. The boy scampered through new oats, a meadow and a fresh cow pile, pausing to rinse his feet in a gurgling creek before dashing triumphantly across an orchard to a fiery haired woman and two boys, hoeing in a broad vegetable garden.
504_slingrocks"Mom!" hollered the stinky boy as she bent to pull a weed. "Get wood on the fire! I bagged fresh meat for supper!"
She stood up, brushing the dirt from her skirts and hands.
"Look Mom! I got him with my sling! I knocked 'im clean out of the air! I'm gettin' good, aye?"
"I'll say Frankin," she said, peering into his bag. "I've been watching you get better day by day. This is game to remember, all right, particularly when you may go the rest of your life and not get another on the wing like that."
"So all you think is I just got lucky, isn't hit?"
nVrhp1e"Well Frankin, someone without your sharp eye would certainly have an empty bag right now..."
"Ha!" he crowed with a leap. "I'm really somethin' with my sling, and you know it."
"I've just hung the tea-kettle over the fire," she said, ruffling up his hair. "You could wash up for a nice cup o' tea before you dress your bird, if you don't dally."
Frankin raced to the back door, hung Hubba Hubba on the latch and wheeled 'round to go to the well in time to find his little brothers following. "Hey Poopkink!" he snarled. "If you and Poopdink have to sneak along behind me, don't you dare touch the game bag."
***
tver_angry-crow_7219"Help!" cawed Hubba Hubba, coming to in total blackness. "I'm dead again! I can't see!" He hysterically thrashed and flogged his wings against the insides of the cramped box they had him in, pausing to go light in the head, gasping for want of air.
Someone heard his cries and threw open the box. "Kawk!" he cried as four chubby hands crowded in after him. "Have some respect! Can't you idiots tell I'm wounded here?"
Bartolomé_Esteban_Perez_Murillo_004Both boys squealed and yanked back, dropping the lid on Hubba Hubba.
"Hey! I object! This is abuse! Here I am, smashed in the head..."
"Hit does talk!" they cried in wide-eyed chorus.
"You got it!" shouted Hubba Hubba. "And do you ones listen? Here I am smashed in the head, some drooling gnoff strangles me 'till I black out, maybe die, and here you ones whack me in the head again... Is this the stinkin' Pit, or what? Well?"
Suddenly they lunged at the box. Hubba Hubba exploded into frantic flight about the room, landing on a quilting frame drawn up by twine to the overhead beams. "All right," he rattled. "At least I can see this is some rotten old kitchen, somewhere, and not the Pit. And whatever you two are, I am not some kind of 'it!' I'm one right proud crow and I'm traveling with a young man who ought to here directly to cut off your stinkin' heads for doing this to me...!"
primitive-vintage-wood-box-original-old-paper-fruit-crate-label-Placerville-Maid-Laurel-Leaf-Farm-item-no-b912117-7"Hey you little gwrteithiau!" yelled Frankin as he threw open the door. "What'd I tell you about my game bag? And why weren't you out helping us drive in the six sheep which just now got out in the garden? Which one of you left the gate open anyway...?"
"It's loose!" cried Kink.
"Close the door!" cried Dink.
"I am not an 'it,'" rattled Hubba Hubba.
images (1)"Taran!" shouted Frankin as he slammed the door and began glancing about. "So you not only let the sheep out, you got into my bag and turned the crow loose! If he gets clean away, you'll not only be cachu, I'll find something really disgusting and make you each eat its cachu!"
"He's right over your head," said Dink.
Frankin wheeled 'round and looked up. "Mom!" he bellowed, "Come in here and see what they did now!" He lunged and missed Hubba Hubba, whacking the quilting frame madly about on the ends of its short twines.
3021358_1_l (1)"Kawk!" cried Hubba Hubba, as he crouched to hang on
Frankin leaped again, snapping a twine and knocking down the frame to smash a 17-cottage-cheesehuge crock of soupy cottage cheese onto the floor.
"You bloated idiot!" cawed Hubba Hubba, springing into flight about the room. He spied a board nailed across the timbers and landed on that with his back to the ceiling. "You stinking armpit maggot..."
"So you're some kind of magic crow, aye?" he said, taking out his sling. "Well it doesn't matter, bird-o. You'll never get out of this room, 'cause when I knock you down, I'm goin' 'o jerk your ugly head out o' your shoulders!"
"No!" cried Kink and Dink together.
"Frankin!" cried their mom as she stepped in the door to go apoplectically wide eyed. "My stars! That's fifteen gallons of cottage cheese, all over!"
"They did it!" wailed Frankin. "They got into my bag when I told them not to and turned loose the crow. I've got to kill it quick..."
"No!" cried Dink. "Hit's magic...!"
images"Hit talks!" cried Kink.
"And they've gotten windy as kites in the process, too, I see. Well you two, what have I told you about making up things...?"
"But it's true!" wailed Kink. "Frankin knows it, too!"
"I think you two need to take this stack of bowls and scoop up as much clean cheese as you can get off the floor for your next several meals. Then, you need to mop up every bit of what's left."
"But we aren't making it up!" wailed Dink, as his mom thrust a stack of bowls into his arms and steered him toward the slumping mound of cheese and crock chards.
"Now, freak bird, hit's your turn," said Frankin, fitting a stone into his sling.
"Kawk!" cried Hubba Hubba. "Lady, lady! Please listen to your little fellows!"
"That's not the least bit amusing, Frankin," she said, wheeling 'round to glare at him.
"But I didn't..."
"No, no, no, no!" cawed Hubba Hubba. "I did! I'm not some game animal to be beaned and chucked in the kettle. Hey! I've got brains here."
"Mercy!" she gasped. "You do talk!"
crow"Hit's a trick, Mom, said Frankin.
"Right. So where's the minstrel puppeteer?"
"Come on, Mom! Somebody taught him to talk..."
"Absolutely!" rattled Hubba Hubba. "Just like they did you, only I didn't need to be taught how to think, and you've yet to manage."
"Don't touch the bird," she said, snatching away his sling. "Do not harm him, understand?"
"But he'll get away!"
"We're going to be real good to him 'till we figure him out," she said. "Now go fetch me a good sized box to put him in, and make sure there are a right smart amount of air holes in it."
"Air holes?" cried Hubba Hubba. "What kind of 'real good' to me is that? No wonder you haven't taught maggot boy here how to think, yet! And I don't care what he brings back, you're going to have to come up here and get me!"






Carol Marrs Phipps & Tom Phipps




Friday, July 21, 2017

Hubba Hubba Versus the Stinky Beefy Boy

504_slingrocks

The_Burgeoning_Cover_for_KindleHubba Hubba, Chirp, Tweet and Squeak were returning from a reconnaissance mission for Herio in The Burgeoning when...
"There are a slew of farmsteads, though," squeaked Chirp as he bounced along in a madAerial Ballet flutter to keep up. "One of them might put us up..."
"That's ground work," chirped Tweet. "We can't ask around from the air."
"Let's just go back now," said Hubba Hubba. "If that's all that's left, we're wasting time. I hate to think of another night of Herio's scorched beans, or nothing at all like last night."
"Couldn't be that bad," tweeted Squeak. "Those folks down there look pretty hard up. A little money would surely get us what we want..."
"Yea?" said Hubba Hubba. "And it could be right risky if they thought Herio was well-to-do. A young fellow by himself?" He clacked shut his beak with a shake of his head. "Someone might try to rob him...or worse!"
"Worse, master?" squeaked Chirp.
"Hey, I remember arrows and meat cleavers and ugly manners of all sorts out of people on the ground who weren't even penniless and desperate. And don't you dare call me master! Aren't we chums these days?"
"Oh I forgot, you being a crow and all..."
"Crow! Well, I can't hide from that, but reminders of the Ugleeuh days give me a headache..." And with that, he collapsed into a headlong fall.
Crows fighting playing_14
"Hubba Hubba!" squeaked Chirp, diving madly after him. "What's wrong? Tweet! Squeak! Help!"
***
crows_japanHubba Hubba opened his eyes to find the ground shooting up to meet him. He began flapping furiously. "Help! Help! Help!" he cawed. "It's too late! Pebbles, I'm sorry!"
Without warning, something strange was under each of his wings. Suddenly he was seeing stars, bouncing and rolling to a rumpled stop in tall new grass.
6358500989_1144c0f094_o
"Oh, I hate being dead," he rattled. "Throb. Throb. Throb. That's my stinking head, but why are my wingpits doing it, too? Say! Why am I thinking?"
"It's not thinking, Hubba Hubba," squeaked Chirp, "It's just you. Now could you please lift your wing? Squeak and Tweet are under here!"
"So you ones are dead too, aye?" he said, letting out a yelp from moving his head to peer under his wing.
"Good grief no!" chirped Tweet, with a ruffle of his feathers. "We're not dead and neither are you!" He gave Hubba Hubba two or three one eyed inspections. "You sure have a knot on your knitty box. What the ding-dong blazes did you fly into up there?"
"I have no idea at all, but for some crazy reason it made me think of Ugleeuh..." And at that very instant he was yanked out of the grass by his neck.
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"Hey!" crowed a stinky beefy boy with a hateful grip, as he sprang into a dancing pell-mell run through the grass. "I got him! I got him! I got him! I got him!"
***
Chirp, Tweet and Squeak shot into the air from where Hubba Hubba had fallen and watched in shock from the top of a big walnut tree as the stinky beefy boy made off with him through the grass. "They'll get away if we don't get moving!" squeaked Chirp as they all dove into the air.
"He'd never let someone make off with us!" tweeted Squeak.
"Let's keep up!" chirped Tweet.
"Hey!" squeaked Chirp. "Somebody tell me how we're going to save him from a grabby boy a thousand times bigger than we are. He'll pull our heads off!"
"Go for help!" chirped Tweet.
"And somebody still has to follow," tweeted Squeak.
"Someone needs to find Herio and bring him here, while the other two of us follow Hubba Hubba," squeaked Chirp. "When we see where the boy takes him, one of us comes back here and the other stays and watches...
"Yea," chirped Tweet. "And hope to the Pit he doesn't get et while we're at it!"
"Don't even think that!" tweeted Squeak.sparrow12
"Just for that, you go find Herio," squeaked Chirp.
Tweet gave a wide-eyed nod and shot away with a bouncing blur of wings.

Carol Marrs Phipps and Tom 

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Fire Sprites and Glow Lichens




Fire Sprites Homo sapiens luciferestris L. a diminutive and highly luminescent human whose melanin has been replaced by luciferin, the light producing pigment in fireflies. Fire Sprites glow with such intensity that many who have gotten fleeting glimpses of  them have mistakenly reckoned them to be engulfed in flames, though in daylight their skin is an almost translucent alabaster white. They inhabit the utterly lightless lava tubes of the volcanic formations in the Eternal Mountains of the Eastern Continent. They communicate with one another and with other races of humans almost exclusively with thought projection and extra sensory perception (ESP), reserving their arcane and mysterious language for their singing of eerie aeolian chorals in the echoes of their caverns.
  
In Elf Killers Oísín and Doona and their party escape the marauding trolls by hiding in the tunnels of Ubh Ollmhór, where they are rescued by the Sprites and led through the maze of inky black volcanic passages to the grasslands of the Great Strah on the far side of the mountains. 
The Fire Sprites are actually the ones who originally made what becomes known as the Elven Prophecy about the rise of an evil which will seek to take over the world. This prophecy has a part in The Collector WitchStone Heart, The BurgeoningThe Reaper Witch, and Doom.
  
Glow lichen Cladonia antrolucidus R., is a close relative of the reindeer lichen (reindeer moss) and lives in moist underground caverns. Its fungal symbiont takes up nutrients saprophyticly from the moist cave walls and emits a strong bioluminescence, using the pigment luciferin, which allows its plant symbiont to photosynthesize in turn, releasing sugars to the saprophyte. Glow lichen is common throughout lava tubes in the Pitmaster's Kettles and in deep cavern systems throughout the southern half of the Northern Continent. Luxuriant growths can light up caverns with their greenish yellow ambience at least as bright as artificially lighted rooms.

Glow lichen lights the caverns of the Magic River in The Collector Witch and the volcanic tunnels of Mount Bed in The Burgeoning. It also illuminates the Fairy underground in The Burgeoning The Reaper Witch and Doom.
 
Carol Marrs Phipps & Tom Phipps